There's been a reason for the blogging lull. Well. Sort of.
Loyal readers may recall my last post 'Summer holidays the Scottish way'. Turns out that I couldn't survive the entire six weeks shivering on picnic benches in my fleece. Neither could my very dear mum. So off we trooped to the travel agent and a last-minute week of Mallorcan sunshine was ours.
It's been several years since I was on a package holiday abroad. And yet. Some things truly never change...
Here they are - in no particular order:
Whatever you wear to the airport for departure will be completely inappropriate for the temperature at your destination. And vice versa on the way home. (Bear in mind that my point of departure is Aberdeen International Airport, which takes this particular phenomenon to a new level of extreme.)
On queuing for check in 90 per cent of females will be anxiously clutching something resembling a polypocket containing passports, tickets and other essential travel information. Meanwhile, the men will be looking around vacantly, wondering how long they have to wait before they can scoot off to the bar.
Regardless of your best efforts you will never, ever get through security first time. Buckles on your sandals? Glasses on your head? And don't even start me on the liquids. They'll catch you out one way or another.
Within five minutes of disembarking from the plane you will utter a statement along the lines of it being "far too hot". Despite the fact that you spend the remaining 51 weeks of the year fantasising about temperatures above 20 degrees.
While logic tells you that some of the people on your complex must also be new arrivals, they will all be golden limbed from day one. As you slap factor 50 on your sun deprived skin, you have a vague concern that you'll give the locals snow blindness.
When it comes to the breakfast buffet, sunbed locations and dining out, everyone else will have it sussed. Even the toddlers, who strut back and forth for their morning croissant with supreme confidence. You, on the other hand, will feel like a 'green' newcomer - right up until the day prior to departure. By then, you'll finally be starting to get the hang of it.
On your return home, you will conveniently forget all of the above. Instead, you tell anyone who will listen that everything went swimmingly.
And you know what? In the big scheme of things, it really did.